Sandy Sez: No one deserves to live in terror
- Sandra Ahenakew | March 25, 2014
What were you thinking when....? What drives females to bad boys? Is it our innate nurturing spirit that wants to nurse this man into the perfect partner? Do we really believe that we can love away all the crap he went through to make him who he is now? Someone once told me that you can't plant a daisy and expect a rose to grow in its place. We can only reap what we sow; the collective "we" have to care enough to stop the violence and lateral violence in our communities. We cannot continue to look the other way and pretend you didn't see the bruises.
There is a mentality out there that if it isn't happening to you then it's none of your business. Really? We need to watch out for our neighbors, elders, children and community members. It's messed up but we can change the way we deal with our relationships. Hitting, yelling, threatening...this is not the way to communicate. You don't have to be Einstein to figure out that life feels good when you have love respect and kindness in your life. If this means that we have to take a class to learn how to behave then that's what we need to do.
Men who assault their partners rarely assault their friends, neighbors, bosses or strangers. If we don't witness the abuse, does that mean it isn't happening? I've heard people say, "He's such a great guy; he would never do that to his spouse." Although some people don't see violence against women as a serious matter, or is a private matter, we have to change these attitudes. Abuse thrives in secrecy so let's make a collective effort to bring the issue into the open where it belongs; no human being deserves to be living in terror.
There are shelters for victims of domestic violence that are filled to capacity and women and children waiting for a safe place to stay.
Let your Chief and Council and other elected representatives know that violence against women in Canada and in your community is a huge problem. Ask them what they are doing to end violence against women. Ask yourself, "If not you, who? If not now, when?"
So why do women stay in an abusive relationship? Some women stay because they have a strong belief in keeping the family together; sometimes relatives or in-laws blame the woman for the abuse and insist that she stay. Some women even think that the abuse is normal and if her man doesn't hit her then he doesn't love her. We all need to change the way we perceive violence. Dont turn your head or pretend you didn't hear it call the police if you witness violence and listen to the victim if they choose to share their experience with you. We all need someone who will listen.
Now, fellas, don't get your sleeveless undershirt in a knot, I know that not all women are victims; sometimes they are the abuser. Either way let us all recognize that we must stop being abusive to the people we love and begin to take that first step towards healing. There are domestic violence prevention programs out there to help.
We cannot expect that all the social problems can be solved quickly but better that we do everything we can to break the cycle than to do nothing.
Please keep your letters and emails coming. Send your questions or comments to: Sandee Sez c/o Eagle Feather News P.O. Box 924 Saskatoon, S7K 3M4 or email.