Opinion: I'm tired, but I'm fired up
- Alyson Bear | June 09, 2020
It's been a long night
Long life, long time fighting
Let out a long sigh
Alright, why am I trying?
'Cause look at how far you have come
And look at all that you have going
Look at who you have become
Baby, you gotta keep going
I’m tired but I am fired up
Ooh-oh, rest your weary heart Dry your teary eyes I know you are scarred And torn apart inside Darlin', so am I, so am I
I'm tired, but I'm fired up Tired, but I'm fired up
Jhené Aiko – Born Tired
This song resonates with me right now. During this pandemic, we are all faced with our own challenges because we are going through changes that are out of our control and disrupt our routines and lives. Things are off, but they have been off for a long time. I hope if we can learn anything from this, it’s that this individualistic capitalistic society has contributed to us taking the things that matter for granted and perhaps in the face of diversity we can genuinely appreciate, respect, love and cherish one another a little more.
It is hard to concentrate on the piles of work that lay before me in order to graduate while my daughters and I transition to home school and full-time parenting. I see the only thing that matters is the only thing that ever did matter, my daughters, my family. In this uncharted territory we are entering, it is like waiting for a tsunami that we all know is coming and we all need to brace ourselves. In times of uncertainty or fear we run to those who matter most and feel like home. We are worried about our loved ones and the inevitable change we are faced with means we might come face to face with demons we have been running from.
This can be an opportunity for healing from unresolved issues. Perhaps there can be growth to come from this uncertain situation. It comes down to self-discipline and having responsibility to help protect one another. Currently the only way to try not to let this virus harm as many people as possible is to stay home as much as possible.
This may also mean, with the time given to us to slow down our fast-paced lives, we can focus on finding new interests or developing skills. I have been doing a relaxed home schooling for my daughters focusing on the Dakota component. We are all learning more Dakota words, as one of my goals is for my daughters and me to know our language.
This brings me back to the importance of arts, entertainment and music in helping us get us through this time. The other day my six-year-old daughter told me, “art is sacred,” and told me how important it is to be creative. She has a very kind old soul.
I have been doing my best to share songs, stories and art that comes from Indigenous teachings. We listen to the women’s warrior song every day, we start our class with a smudge and we each say what we are grateful for. At story time we read any story they want and we have been learning about White Buffalo Woman.
I try to take every day as a blessing. I was told not to live from either car accident I was in. Therefore, I don’t want to waste another day nor lead my daughters down a path of self-destruction. I had to learn things the hard way, which has shaped me into who I am. I see how fragile and precious life is, especially as a mother. I know they will make mistakes, but if I’m healthy, then I’ll always have their backs and they can always lean on me.
Like the song says, we must keep going.
I have love and respect for those on the front lines who put themselves at risk for the health of everybody.
I send prayers and healing from my family to yours.